Being a mom is all about setting limits.

I have a daughter who is 12 going on 20.  She is very strong willed and loose-lipped.  I am sure these are qualities that will serve her well in life but maintaining tight limits gets difficult sometimes.

My best tip is to use time outs.  Even at 12.  I give 1 warning and then she serves 12 minutes on the wall.  When the timer goes off she finds me and apologizes and we start again.  It helps us both to stay grounded.

I think learning to take a time out here and there when we’re ready to blow is a life long lesson.

How do you set limits?

Special thanks to Jodee Blanco for speaking out!

“Widely considered one of the nation’s leading experts on school bullying and peer abuse/pressure, Jodee Blanco is credited with inspiring a grassroots movement inside America’s schools. Referred to by many as “the anti-bullying bible,”Please Stop Laughing at Me… has set the standard in antibullying intervention and has defined itself as a modern day classic for students, parents, and teachers alike.   Please Stop Laughing at Me… shows how all of us can make a difference. Get started today by joining the discussion!”

During Jodee’s presentation at our school she gave tips on what to do if you think your child might be bullying others:

Punishing bullies doesn’t usually get the results we desire.  It’s much more effective if you find a way to help that child develop compassion for others.

1)  Have your child keep a journal – require them to do one act of kindness a day or a week and write it down and discuss it with them.

2) Volunteer with your child – at a local animal shelter, crises center or soup kitchen.  Connecting with those less fortunate helps us to be more sympathetic to the lesser conditions others have to endure.

3)  Spend quality time with your child on a regular basis and get involved in their life.  ♥

UBC: Day 27

As I mentioned before, I recently had the pleasure of hearing Jodee Blanco speak at our local Catholic Middle/High School and she had some wonderful ideas on how to respond to your children with issues of bullying.

Here’s a few tips from her:

1.  Don’t go on and on about your personal school day stories.

2.  Don’t tell them to suck it up or ignore it – that is one of the worst things you can do because it teaches your child to ignore inappropriate behavior and never take any action or stand up for themselves.

3.  Don’t rationalize bullying by explaining that the only reason people bully is because they feel bad about themselves – although that may be true and also may help them understand or sympathize it doesn’t change the fact that someone is hurting them.

Teach your children how to confront their fears and face up to bullies.  Often times bullies look for weak targets.  When they realize that you are not going to take it lying down they’ll move to someone else and when they do your child can help the new target stand up as well.  United we stand divided we fall.  Get involved in school – volunteer and be seen.

I would love to hear your thoughts or concerns on this topic.  ♥

UBC: Day 26

I had the pleasure of attending a presentation on bullying that was held at Regis High School, EC.  Jodee Blanco gave an AMAZING performance on Bullying in our Schools.  She was interactive, engaging and entertaining.  She really got you thinking about what was going on and how you could make a difference.  Jodee had some EXCELLENT tips for parents on what to say (and NOT to say) to children when they are experiencing bullying.

The #1 thing I walked away with is that if your child is having a hard time fitting in at school make sure they fit in somewhere else.  Whether it’s dance class, an art club or karate; find an alternative outlet where they have an opportunity to make other friends and feel like they belong someplace.  This does 2 things:  1) It gives them a sense of belonging which is crucial during the pre teen and teenage years and 2) It will give them strength to stand up and face bullying when it happens because they will have a stronger sense of self.

Bullying is a problem.  Help your child stand up for themselves.   ♥

UBC: Day 25

Sounds easy but it’s not.

Between my 12 yr old daughter, the 2 dogs and my (mostly wonderful) husband it’s easier to stick my head in the ground and ignore what they’re doing then to open my eyes and my mouth and say “I don’t think so.”

So if you have cabin fever like me and you are all beginning to get on each others nerves here are a couple tips to get you through the rest of the winter.

1)  Time outs Really Work
If you’ve never employed time outs it’s never too late to start.  The idea is pretty slick and who ever invented them oughta get a gold star firmly planted in the middle of their forehead.  The key to time outs is LIMIT LECTURING and BE CONSISTENT.  I’ll blog more about that tomorrow.  I could write a book on time outs.  Here’s what a time out looks like in my house.

a.  That’s your warning (1 warning is issued before timeout).  If I hear that again it’s 12 minutes on the wall.
b.  Okay, 12 minutes on the wall.
c.  I set the timer when the bell goes off my lovely child walks over to me and apologizes for her behavior.  I respond with a kiss, a hug, and I love you.  Then we all move on.

2)  Follow up & Follow Thru
If someone says something to you that’s upsetting you may be too emotional to respond in the moment.  Actually it’s best NOT to respond especially if you are upset.  Wait until the next day or a few days later when you feel emotionally stronger and have had time to go through all the scenarios in your mind of what you could say and FOLLOW UP.

ex.  I really didn’t like what you said to me the other day.  I think it’s important that you know how I really feel, etc.

It’s easier to pretend it never happened but the truth of the matter is that it DID happen and it’s going to keep happening unless you talk about it.

Stand strong and don’t give up.  We really do teach people how to treat us.  If you are unhappy in your relationships the only person you have to blame is yourself.  ♥

UBC: Day 18

Say each thought lovingly to yourself three times daily and watch magical things begin to happen in your life:

1.  I am a brave and valiant warrior.
2.  I boldly go in the direction of my dreams.
3.  I move through my fears allowing my courage to blossom.

Expand your awareness with wonderful words:

plucky \PLUHK-ee\, adjective:

Having or showing pluck or courage; brave. (source: www.dictionary.com)

What’s the difference between courageous people and weak people?  Weak people allow their fear to hold them back or keep them frozen where they are at. Courageous people embrace their fear and keep moving forward.  To be plucky or not to be plucky, that is the question.  I don’t know about you but I’m going to hop, skip & jump my way through summer as a plucky kinda gal.  Bring it on!